I know this post is late and the news is old but the Virginia Tech tragedy has been on my mind. Each victim is a life cut short and a family in pain. Yet only one question remains - Why?

What could cause someone to become so deranged to commit this act of horror? As a parent, I am scared. Not only because children were victims but because someone’s child was the monster. I am sure his parents felt that they were doing their best to raise him. So, what went wrong?

What can we as parents do to help our children cope with their emotions when they enter their darkest hours?

Char at Weary Parent has written an excellent post entitled 13 Things We Need To Teach Our Teens. The resounding message is that we need to empower our children to deal with disappointment and rejection in a healthy way. We all know that life is full of ups and downs - it is a bumpy ride, but it shouldn’t be tragic.

For younger children (this also applies to teens) Mark Brandenburg has a helpful article entitled Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids.

Clearly, ignoring the emotional health of our children comes at a high cost.

Do your kids get an allowance?

When I was a kid, we didn’t get an allowance. If we really needed something my parents got it for us, otherwise we did without. However, most experts say - and I agree - that an allowance is a good tool to teach kids about managing money.

But an allowance is a lot of work for both parents and kids. So many questions need to be addressed:

• Should the kids get an allowance once a week,
• Should they be required to save part of the allowance,
• Should it be a reward for good behavior or doing chores,
• Should we have a say in how they spend the money,
• And how much should they get?

Our family has been through many incarnations of the allowance, but no one method seems to stick. It is definitely time for an allowance redesign.

How Much?
First and foremost, determining the amount is important. Some recommendations have been $1 for each year of age or for each grade level (i.e. a fifth grader would get $5 each week). But I think it is important to consider what we are expecting the children to buy with their allowance. If the allowance is just for “extras” and fun stuff, the amount may be lower. If we expect them to cover lunch money and certain necessities (and put some in savings) maybe giving a little more is justified. About.com has a good allowance calculator to check out.

How Often?
Paying out once a week has worked for us. I have the kids keep an allowance checkbook of sorts. On Sundays, we sit down and add the new allowance so they always know how much money they have.

Should They Work for the Money?
The going advice is that allowance should not be tied to chores. But I have a hard time just handing over money for free. As adults, we don’t get paid without working - wouldn’t that be nice?
I have certain expectations from my children. They have to do their homework, practice their instruments, pick up after themselves, fit in a chore or two a day to help out around the house (maybe more over the summer), and do it with a good attitude. Charts and checklists help them stay on track - but we don’t keep these up every week. I don’t take away their allowance if they don’t accomplish everything, everyday but I reserve the right to exercise my judgment. If they start slacking, I use the allowance as a reminder and incentive.

How Should They Spend the Wealth?
Every time they hit the snack machine I cringe but if that’s how they want to spend their allowance… However, I do make them put half, each week, aside for savings. Parenthood.com has a great article called Raising Money-Smart Kids: Allowance and Savings with some good allowance guidelines. In fact they take the savings concept one step further, and I quote:

For young kids, Harman recommends three glass jars: one is for spending now, one is for short-term savings, and one is for long-term savings. “It’s the jar that becomes their bank account that then becomes an investment account and starts to build their future and their net worth.” Allowance, gifts and earnings should always be divided among the three jars.

Some other bloggers have also pondered the allowance system. Check out their ideas at the following links:
When Should Kids Get an Allowance by Justin McHenry at Zen Personal Finance
Money Problems by dahGurl at The Parenting Post
How Do You Teach Kids the Value of Money by J.D. at Get Rich Slowly

In the New York Times this weekend I read an article entitled Tweens ‘R’ Shoppers by Lesley Jane Seymour. Lesley has a tween daughter and she writes about a day that she spent at the mall with her daughter and her daughter’s friends.

Now, my daughter is nowhere near her teens - she is only three, so I cannot speak from experience, but I was appalled at the luxury that today’s children take for granted.

In the article Lesley talks of the tweens wearing Uggs, Michael Kors boots, and a bracelet with a $60 Juicy Couture charm that one girl received from her parents for Valentine’s Day (Valentine’s Day?! - what happened to conversation hearts and cards?)

Lesley also says, and I quote, ” The concept of window shopping no longer exists. Going home without a bag is unthinkable.”

While I want to roll my eyes and explain it away with - well, Lesley just spoils her children (sorry Lesley), she is clearly not the only one who caters to tweens whims and fancies. A whole industry has evolved to serve the fashion needs of tweens.

But what message are we sending to our kids? Can the majority of America’s families afford this kind of shopping behavior? And if they can - should they indulge their tweens? I know it is all about being cool and fitting in but fiscal responsibility is also a lesson that children need to learn.

I also, occasionally treat my kids to the latest gizmo that they have been coveting. But I feel that more and more, kids think that what should be a privelege is now a right.

A mantra in our house is “all my friends have this,” and “all my friends can do that,”, “why can’t I?”. I am sure that parents through the ages have grappled with the same issues. The more I give, the more they want.

Articles like Lesley’s open my eyes to what I am up against.

For now, as long as I am wearing Gap and Old Navy, my children will do likewise. I hear that Target has a fabulous Spring line!