On a side note, it looked like Alex’s english was pretty good, but just had an opposite POV. Oh well! I guess that is what makes life interesting.

Karen
http://glutenfreefoodreviews.com

as you said “I think we must just agree to disagree.”

Because I absolutely don’t see how you could come to this conclusion:

“Life here is not as structured and rigid as yours appears to be.”

From what you and the middle school teacher write, I came to the same conclusion - but the other way round! I had the impression that you both were expecting much more adult behaviour from an eleven year old than I and my peers (other parents) would.

In the end, all boils down to me having a problem in understanding and expressing myself in a foreign language

Life here is not as structured and rigid as yours appears to be.

Thank you for commenting.

Well, I allways put my duties in front of my wishes, as I expect my children and everybody else! So, when my duty is chauffeuring (even if I don’t like it that much), I will complete that duty first before I think about my wish to chat.

Than you wrote: “Are you not teaching your children that their needs and wishes are more important than yours?”

Frankly, I’m not sure if I understand your point here at all. Nobody’s wishes and needs are more important than anybody else’s. Every person, kid or adult, has the same right to pursue his wishes. If they conflict with anybody else’s wishes, one has to find a just compromise. My parental wishes are not per se more important or valuable than my kid’s.

As you put it earler: it’s all a question of mutual respect, with the emphasis on mutual.

If I were a paid driver then I certainly would not have stopped as I would have been receiving compensation for the ride. This would also put my passenger in the position of my employer. My child is not my employer.

If I were taking my mother, my child, or anyone else to an appointment and we were late I would not have stopped - but if we were on the early side then perhaps I might have. My parents enjoy meeting my friends much as I enjoy meeting their friends and my children’s friends. As we were going to a holiday picnic at his friend’s house, there were no time constraints. It was a day of visiting and leisure. I, too, was invited to the picnic.

And why, I ask, do you put your unpaid parental chauffeuring duties in front of your own needs and wishes. Are you not teaching your children that their needs and wishes are more important than yours?

It was nice chatting with you Alex. Thank you for commenting.

But you say “…that my son should have politely asked me…” - which is exactly the part that makes me think you have been rude to him in the first place: you stop a two-house-walk away from his final destination, make a 5 minute chat from the car window without asking your son to excuse YOU and expect HIM to be polite and excuse himself before he leaves? In my eyes, the better way would have been to wave at your friends, drive him the last two houses and then come back to your friends and have plenty of time to talk to them.
Maybe just for a minute put yourself in your son’s place and imagine on the driver’s seat would really have been a paid chauffeur, i.e. a taxi driver who would stop two houses away from where you wanted to go and has a chat with some of his friends. How long do you think would you politely sit in the back and wait for him to complete his chatting? Remember: you don’t know how long it will take and you can already see the house where you want to go! I would find that a very rude behaviour and would not say “Dear Mr. Taxi Driver, excuse me, I will go now. Thank you for driving me that far and here’s a large tip.”
Or, would you have acted the same way if your passenger instead of your kid had been your elderly mother on her way to an appointment with her physician?
I think you might have considered her needs much more and would not have stopped for such a long time so close to her destination. If so, what would be the reason for a different behaviour towards children?
I myself am a father of four and don’t like to picture me solely as their (unpaid) chauffeur. But sometimes I am just that and then I have to fullfill this task before I think of my needs or wishes. I can not make them wait for something that is not an emergency - which it wasn’t in your case.
What strikes me as so rude in your behaviour is the relation between “5 minute chat” and “two houses away”. That must make an eleven year old nervous…

But I will stop here argueing for a point that is not the one you wanted to make with your blog entry and with which I agree completely: apply the same formal introduction rules to your kids as you would with anybody else. Hm, maybe it’s not that far away from my comment: apply the same politeness to your kids than you would with anybody else. Anyway: keep up contemplating and writing about raising your three kids.

Regards from Germany
Alex
(Excuse my English, it’s not my mother tongue)

What we are talking about here is mutual respect. And the past is very important as it does set a precedent.

If I patiently wait for my children in many situations, they need to afford me the same respect and understanding when I need them to wait for me.