I am tackling a sensitive topic today – but it is something that I had to deal with recently.
A cousin of mine passed away last weekend at age 60. Not too early but at the same time way too early.
He had visited my home on many occasions and my family has also been to his family’s home. The kids knew him, but maybe not extremely well.
I made the decision to take my kids to the funeral. (For reference, my oldest child is fourteen and my youngest is six.) In fact, it really wasn’t even a decision – I just assumed they would go. However, another cousin of mine has children the ages of my youngest two. They all were a bit closer to the cousin that passed away. And she waffled a bit on whether to take her children.
Her indecision surprised me – because it hadn’t even been a question in my mind. I truly didn’t even realize that there was the option of not taking the children.
I guess my logic is this – dying is a part of life. My children are rather sheltered and this exposure is important to their understanding about the good things and the bad things that life throws our way.
I worry about the unemotional way that death is portrayed on video games and in media. Sure I can censor certain objectionable games – but really as they get older it is harder to do. Each of their friends have different rules and they will be exposed to titles that I don’t agree with at some point in time.
They need a reference point to differentiate between virtual death and the finality that comes when a “real” life ends.
They need to understand the grieving process.
They need to learn how to provide support and comfort when those closest to them need it most.
Every child is different – they all mature differently. It is up to the parents to determine if their children can handle the situation. And including a child that is too young to sit through the formalities would be an insensitive move on the part of the adults. But overall, providing some exposure is important for the growth of the kids.
In the end, my cousin decided to bring her children. And in this case, it all worked out for the best. Talking with my children after wards gave me the impression that they also received a bit of needed closure through the process.
Picture from e-strategyblog.com’s photostream
