But I am optimistic.

I recently purchased Bento for Mac. This is a home database program. Yes, very geeky. But I figured, hey - I have a team of six to manage and that means a lot of data. Schedules, phone numbers, soccer teams, all that kind of stuff.

One full day later, I know a lot more about Bento and it has a lot of potential. But it can’t do laundry, cook dinner, play with the kids, drive them around, and all of the other parenting stuff that I haven’t been doing because I was learning how to use Bento.

C’est la vie.

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Three kids later (four in total), I have done a complete 180. Why? Because there is no such thing as 1 sick child. Never.

Take the past 2 weeks for instance. Wednesday morning my oldest son announced that his stomach didn’t feel good. And then - Blah!. I will spare you the details.Translation: 2 days home from school plus 1 complete wipedown of the entire house, sheets and towels laundered, and all surfaces sanitized, courtesy of yours truly.

By Friday all was back to normal - and sparkling clean.

And then Saturday night, son #2’s tummy hurts. Blah! Déja vu. One sleepless night and 2 days later the house is once again scrubbed and son #2 is back at school.

But the saga continues …..

Wednesday rolls around again, and you guessed it, #3 and #4 down with the stomach bug. Sheets (once again, no details), towels, comforters, all being washed in our laundry room - apparently open for business 24/7.

Two days later and we are thrice again climbing out from under.

So, if by chance we should meet, you will forgive me if I scream in horror and run away if you should so much as sneeze.

Photo by tanakawho

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For ages I have bought the package with the red label. It had been the same for a long time. And then something changed - sizes. Double roll, triple roll, gigantic roll, you had to be really careful to make sure that you bought a size roll that actually fit on the toilet paper roller thingy.

Now, if the arrival of sizes wasn’t bad enough, suddenly the Charmin in the red package is thicker. Being the busy parent that I am, it took me a few clogged toilet bowls to figure out something was up. But Kathy at the Junk Drawer whose humorous posts always make me smile, quickly cleared up the mystery - and I quote:

2. If I worked for Charmin, I could tell them that their Ultra Strong version of toilet paper doesn’t stand a chance in hell of being flushed down the toilet on the first try. It’s the consistency and thickness of paper towels, and no one with half a brain would try to flush paper towels. Stick with the Ultra Soft brand if you want to save a thousand gallons of water.

Thank you Kathy for my “Aha!” moment. You see, the red label Charmin has now been reborn as Ultra Strong (perhaps stronger than necessary) and the new blue label Charmin is called Ultra Soft (which is more similar to the “old” Charmin). I would take Kathy’s advice and stick with the blue Ultra Soft. If you are determined to buy the red label Charmin make sure you purchase a bathroom plunger to go with!

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No, I didn’t write this letter to Santa. Rather, this letter to Santa is one of those emails that gets passed around. I usually read, chuckle, and delete. But this one could actually be a letter from any one of us.

Despite all the stress, remember to enjoy the holidays!

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes, Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat in the living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?
It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet. (you promised me last year you would lose some weight with me so next year you and I could be a cute size two blonde…ok, some requests go too far, but none the less…..

Yours Always,

MOM…

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children, healthy, safe and of course, young enough to always believe in Santa.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the mommies you know.

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Awesome Graphics at pYzam.com

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• SAHM - stay at home mom
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What’s the deal here? Every mom is a WAHM! Those of who you work outside the home, work from home (as your career), or are just “plain” home (raising your family) are all WAHM’s. There is no such thing as a SAHM - this term just doesn’t give moms enough credit.

Here is a partial list of the jobs I hold down everyday:

• child care specialist
• chef
• chauffeur
• housekeeper
• laundress
• accountant
• executive secretary
• travel agent
• blogger
• personal shopper
• psychologist
• tutor
• event planner
• computer technician
• photographer
• videographer
• family historian
• media specialist
• gardener
• lawncare specialist
• ms. fix-it handyperson
• storyteller

Funny, people usually only do one of the above as a full-time job. Maybe they should refer to themselves as “SAWW’s” - stay at work workers .

How many hats do you wear?

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“I promise to do the wash every day so that it doesn’t pile up.”

Any joiners?

(yes, it’s a joke)

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And playing a DVD - well forget about it.

One of those expensive universal remotes - that is probably what I need. But then I need to figure that out.

Oh, the woes of modern technology!

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Apparently her kitchen is overflowing with food. (check out her pictures!)

And yet, her children say, “There is nothing to eat!”

My kitchen suffers from a similar fate.

If it’s not washed, sliced, cooked, and served - well, then it just isn’t there.

Where’s the chef and the maid when you need them?

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